i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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