i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
