If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize