I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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