I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
