Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
