I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
