so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
