HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I understand Curling. That high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
