I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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