Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
