I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
