i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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