Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
