if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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