I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
