I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
