I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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