I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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