decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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