He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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