Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
