he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Do vagina's smell?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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