How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
