In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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