Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
