He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she looked like the before picture.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
