bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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