Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
