i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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