We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
