did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
