i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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