I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
