Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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