I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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