New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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