i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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