I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
