and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
