It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize