3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
