Please, let me fuck your mom
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
