Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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