I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
