i already hear my dad disowning me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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