what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
