I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
