She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
