just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
