Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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