No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
