there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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