At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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