scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
where are my eyebrows?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
