Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
