I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
