sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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