We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
