Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
