My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
