I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
