Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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