He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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