I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
