All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
