I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
