Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
