i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
