to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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