no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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