Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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