so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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