Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize