I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Letβs be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize