Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
