She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
